'Easy runs' and other things that get me out of zone 2

That shouldn't

Thanks to Garmin, following a running training plan is relatively straightforward. Indeed, the watch does all but tie up my laces and get me out the door.

From interval sessions, to running at race pace and tempo training, the Garmin will happily buzz and beep; letting me know when to dial it up or down to get the most out of the session.

Unfortunately, for a competitively wired, Strava-using, mid-twenties bloke, I struggle to listen when the watch tells me to stick to Zone 2. I know there are no prizes for how quickly you run a slow run. I know I ought to worship at the green zone of <140bpm unless instructed otherwise, but when it comes to posting a good km split, I will not be dictated to by a machine.

So, in honour of the fact that my slow runs always get the heart rate higher than necessary, here are a few other things that get me out of zone 2 that really shouldn’t.

1. Not disembarking to help others off: Melbourne is famous for its tram network, and it really can be a treat to use. It’s just a shame we often share it with lots of other inconsiderate people. The ones who, when positioned near a door, will not get off temporarily to make way for someone who needs to get off at that stop. Please, you won’t lose your spot and the tram won’t leave without you. If you can’t manage this basic tram etiquette, maybe try skateboarding – rhinos worked out how to do it and maybe you should, too.

2. Right-handed coffee art: Maybe Ned Flanders had it right. In The Simpsons, he started The Lefotrium in support of all southpaws. Perhaps I’ll start a coffee shop that exclusively makes coffees with latte art designed for a lefty. No more upside-down swans or reverse-angle flowers.

3. Wordle: I am back on the NYT mini games app (heck, sometimes play it on the tram) and whilst it’s great fun, it can also be high stakes. For a self-proclaimed ‘word guy’ it’s easy to take it to heart when finding the five-letter word sends me into a spin.

4. Using the split system heater: Seriously, should we? The constant internal debate about whether to run the heating in our frigid apartment for fifteen minutes or add another jacket can – ironically – get me a bit hot under the (multiple) collar(s). Melbourne is cold, but can we justify that? I don’t know…

5. Watching Geelong play another close game: I love the Cats, but it’s hard to keep things calm and composed when they keep taking it right down to the wire. After eleven rounds, they’ve already had five matches decided by less than 10 points, and that marker goes to eight when extending the margin to 20. Considering they are only going at 50% in those tight finishes, I can almost count watching Geelong as an interval session, right?

6. Mates who claim to be able to execute a four-pint carry and then perform it using glasses that have handles.

7. Connections: Back on the NYT games grind, and for me, Connections is usually a hit to the ego. I’ll stare at the collection of 16 words, and for fear of falling for the most obvious red herrings, sit paralysed, while my blood pressure increases in tandem with frustration. Don’t get me started on “One away…” as a hint, either.

8. Sauna conversations: I’ll die on the hill that nothing good ever comes from engaging in a conversation in the sauna. Nobody is comfortable, we’re all half-naked and sweating, now is not the time to share your post-shower shaving routine with a group of strangers. *

There’s a bit there, really. Considering how mundane most of it is, I should perhaps consider running a bit slower; it seems the old ticker is working hard enough away from the track as it is…

*That really happened last night. I wish it hadn’t but there was a TBR subscriber there to verify. Shoutout to you if you made it this far, Mark.