Case closed
A quirky rule change confirms cricket is a game for bowlers
I have an ongoing debate with teammates that cricket is a game that favours bowlers.
Up until now, my arguments have all been variations on the same theme: that bowlers get multiple chances over the course of a day, but us batters only get one. That for us, an error of judgement (be it ours or the umpire’s) can be the end of things. That bad luck is so much more magnified for us, than for them.
Perhaps they can't hear me over the pain of their creaking backs and bloodied toes, but the bowlers I know have never been interested in indulging me.
Instead, between gulps of painkillers, they bemoan flat wickets and big bats – worshiping at the altar of self-pity as they massage out knots of wearied muscles following second and third spells in the afternoon sun.
But now, the debate is over, after West Sussex club side Southwick and Shoreham moved in favour of bowlers, officially banning the six at their village green.
No longer can top order batters in Sussex Cricket League Division 8 deposit a drag down over mid-wicket, or loft a loopy spinner over long off. And in Division 8, well, most balls should be dealt with in that fashion.
Located less than two hours from the home of cricket up the road at Marylebone, Southwick and Shoreham have bent the MCC’s rules to “maintain civility” with neighbours and – I can’t quite believe I’m writing this – “to protect local sunbathers.”
After defending his decision (and detailing how many locals soak up the sun with no appreciation for their surroundings) on the Jeremy Vine Show, the SSCC chairman explained how the rule will work in practice.
From now, a batter’s first blow out of the park will be worth zero runs, with a secondary strike to result in their dismissal.
Six and out. Literally.
If SSCC are so keen to bring the best of backyard cricket to their league fixtures, perhaps they should embrace the level of competition that was famously on show at the Chappell residence: At a recent Melbourne Uni CC fundraiser, Greg was the keynote speaker and recalled a fierce backyard contest that saw him chased by Ian – who was brandishing a machete – only finding refuge once through the laundry and over a side gate.
Then again, such antics might disturb “the civility.”
I was fortunate enough to play a season in West Sussex last year at West Chiltington and Thakeham. I was also fortunate enough not to play a game at Shoreham and Southwick. Instead, at West Chilt, the club embraced the quirks of our small home ground - ‘the rec.’
In fact, as a top order, we played bingo. The aim was to hit sixes (in no particular order) to the following locations: straight over the bowler’s head onto the village hall; into neighbouring gardens at long-on and square-leg; into the tree that forms the boundary at long-off; to clear the clubhouse square of the wicket and to plonk one into the adjacent stream.
For the most part, the neighbours were happy to help find balls that rattled around in their gardens, and a stash of spare dukes were always on the scorers’ table for when one got wet.
That was just the reality.
We peered for balls in paddocks and in thistle bushes. We even played a t20 at Priory Park in Chichester where balls would thump into the old stone walls of the Guildhall and Chichester Castle. I seem to remember oblivious children roaming the park, but no sunbathers, so maximums were fair game.
SSCC’s moronic move is bucking the trend of English cricket more broadly, too. From Bazaballers to bashers in The Hundred, there is slim to no interest in the nation’s batters blunting the new ball, or nicking and nudging the old one.
Indeed, over at Cricket et al, Gideon Haigh gave us all a ‘six education’ where he suggested The Hundred – which started yesterday – will have its success “largely measured out in sixes,” as the tournament looks to attract and maintain a new fan base with bigger hitting than ever before.
As for Southwick and Shoreham’s emergent fan base?
Well, it will be those bowlers who still think cricket is a game that belongs to batters, even now that our greatest weapon has been taken away.